Are You Spending Enough Time Alone ?
Are You Spending Enough Time Alone ?
“- So, what did you do for New Year’s Eve ?
– Well, actually nothing!
– Oh honey.. But why, is everything okay?”
Everyone is waiting for you to tell about your wonderful evening with the exact number of cocktails (as if you would remember it…) and how you don’t recall performing that booty shake on the bar. In short, something (not so) extraordinary. But what does it mean? Glitter, that’s for sure.
Perks of being alone
- Move candles from the living room table to the dining room table because you want some change – and it doesn’t change anything.
- Clean a vase that hasn’t been touched since year 2000 – see you back in 2025.
- Open a jar full of memories and find those pictures of your best years – red rounded glasses, steve urkel’s face, happy times.
I was stuck in one of those absurd moments I don’t want to, but I cannot NOT do anything. So I just answered vaguely when the question was asked : “I’m still hesitating” even if deep inside, I wanted a throwback evening with the 3rd season of Grey’s Anatomy from 5pm til 3am with a delivered dish and the comfy blanket on my knees, gosh I wanted it so bad. Finally, that’s exactly what I did.
I realized that every year before, I always went the reversed direction and never followed my wish to be alone, you know, because you have to do something. I mean, it’s New Year’s Eve! (And it only happens once… A year) I think that most people who heard the news thought that it was kind of sad. At first I did not even want to tell anybody and asked my perfect BFF “just in case, we were together and it was amazing, okay?”
And you know what? I couldn’t recall when was the last time I did that. I loooove being alone!
I am used to people telling me that I’m a grandma and I shouldn’t be this way since I’m 25. Instead, I should be wanting to go out every week-end. However, the happiness I feel when I do my own thing makes me wonder if I am normal, do I belong to this generation? They may be right, I am totally boring.
A Deeper Thinking
I feel like it’s unfair that we feel forced to join movements these days. I know it sounds judgy, but it’s not about that. I love discussing with people and exchange different point of views. But I like the conversations to be deep and meaningful, I like questioning why people think a certain way, or have a defined vision of a subject. That’s what enlightens me.
Let’s be clear about a point though, I had my moments and used to do multiples things in a short period of time. It is simply that I fell in love with peace and being at home. I like being comfortable and having the option of doing exactly what I want, when I want and with whoever I want. When there isn’t any noise except from Meredith’s self questioning or my fav playlist Twinkle Star.
Too often we have to make up excuses (I’ve so many of them don’t hesitate if you’re lacking inspiration) and then manage the guilt that comes back every single time. Finally the weight is too much.
We have to be careful, because when we isolate ourselves we also get a fear of getting out of the confort zone. Therefore, we have to keep in mind what makes us feel good and not comfortable. The people around that really know you will know the difference. We realize that it only takes a “no thanks I’m good”…
Since whent do I force myself to do stuff that I don’t want to do ? We need to embrace ourselves and get our confidence back. In my case, since I have some issues on that point, it is not so easy to feel proud of the non-new-year-soirée even though I felt really good about it.
We need to ask ourselves if we are surrounded by people who let us be how we truly are and don’t always object to our own feeling of happiness.
People don’t always get the “fun” that being alone brings along. Of course those who try to push us out of the comfort zone are not to blame, they are doing a great job. It is just hard to find that middle point where every one is happy.
Let’s Stay Positive
It takes some time to get there. But if we accept each other and love each other it takes out a lot of problems that might have been there in the first place.
We are the only ones to truly know ourselves. The only ones to get to know how we think and when we think it.
And guys, it is truly satisfying when we act in accordance with who we are. I wish all of us would experience that. Sometimes it also feels amazing to just think and get a little lost in the thinking but realizing that we just learned who we were a little more. When you’re happy, you can make the happiness last just because you think about it a little more. If you’re sad, you can learn why and what led you to feel this way, then learn how try and not repeat the situation. There are only lessons.
It is hard to see what society builds for a civilization sometimes, and even harder to find ourselves in the middle of it. However, I can assure you that loneliness can bring you a lot of keys to open a lot of doors in the way of being your true self. The more you’ll know, the more you’ll know where to go, what paths not to take, and the more easy it will become to say “no thanks, I’m staying home tonight” without feeling guilty or embarrassed.
If you love being surrounded by people, it will only help you to embrace it ! Spending time alone means knowing yourself better, therefore the people around you will discover a person that is a 100% true to herself. Isn’t it more gratifying ?
When was the last time that you said “I really spent a lovely evening, met wonderful and caring people, discovered something beautiful or learned a fascinating story?” I saw a Interview a few weeks ago, on a theory that explained this (in a more specific way of course) :
Our generation is in constant waiting of passion and waiting for the passion to be in every single day. Therefore forgot to have a little patience.
I do agree with most of it, because a lot of us face depression and mental health issues that tend to be connected with thrive of passion/happiness or to be more specific, the lack of it.
There is this kind of emptiness in our lives (ourselves?) that we don’t appear to know how to fill. How do you protect yourself from this situation ? Well, if we learn to be aware of who we are, we know when things are being too much to handle. This generation that awaits (maybe too much?) is also the one that fights for equality and supports each one and another even when pain is on the other side of the world. That generation loves simple acts of tenderness.
Are you looking for the love of your life ? I’m not saying you’ll find him/her in two days, but you will find a person who’s authentic, sincere, who has a sense of honor, good and generous of love. It does take time, but so does knowing to recognize what matches with our vision of life and happiness. But It appears that if you found the second one, the first will come naturally.
When I think about my passed year, and we all do, I can confirm that even with the ups and downs I met some extraordinary people, I had the chance to develop friendships to a whole different level. If you’re as lucky as I am and are surrounded by a partner that teaches you in his/her own way how to be yourself and accept yourself and even, introduces you to positive mind thinking people, trust me, she or he is a keeper.
Find people that inspire you.
I have so much gratitude for my new year evening that I’m thinking about turning it into a tradition! I wish for you guys to find peace, happiness and follow your dreams in 2018. I hope any decision that you takes is in line with the person you are.
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