To Get Out Of College
To Get Out Of College
Who am I?
For those who don’t always understand themselves or wonder “is this path the right one for me?” If a routine is currently spying over your lives whether knowing if you are actually happy or not, here is a theme that concerns me directly and i will explain why I think it is so important to share it.
My story – (you can skip this part) :
I want to be clear about one thing : I really do support whoever feels comfortable and stimulated in our educational system, especially in Switzerland, it offers generous opportunities.
When you are in school, you often hear stuff like “you need to do your homework, study hard so you can get good grades, and if you don’t, you will live in a box and won’t be able to save the world.” The school system sells the option of being a student. What I mean by that is go to college if you want to be rich and have a good life. As a teenager, you would find some kind of pride in that (unfortunately it’s not that healthy) plus, we would consider ourselves better than others… Especially if you are smart, they say. First mistake of course, because I’m only 15 when I finish school.
I got, let’s say, “not so bad” grade results. So high school is the first step of my “lobotomy.” Again, let’s be clear : this option does help a lot, it develops general culture, we learn how to ask ourselves some intellectual questions (I mean, kind of) and I have learned a lot of material and in some cases some became hobbies. The first two years showed me how easy it was to escape the main expectations of the scholar system (you know, actually showing up to classes and basic stuff like that) because I had not-so-bad grades.
However, grades always end in bad shape when you’re in that state of mind. It is harsh when you get down of your little comfy cloud. My third year, supposedly the last, I would show up maybe once a week and not even the whole day (still pretty optimistic there). My psychological state doesn’t really help, I have to start a therapy. My psychologist erases that year. The problem is : I see that as a relief, and kind of easy. Thanks to her I can work a little while and re-banlance myself, so I can start fresh and finally get my high school diploma.
At that time, it is hard to explain what was going on in my head. A lot of confusion, can’t-stand-it-anymore moments and lack of confidence that is for sure. My parents are there, but they can’t really hide their sadness and disappointment so they encourage me to get back on my feet and feed this potential that can open any door in this life they said. I finally finish my year, and college is just a logical choice. But the thing is, I don’t want to start it right away, I want my independence and I furiously am in need of change. I can’t stay still anymore, listening to people that know way much more than I do, and tell me how this world actually works.
So I start an internship and money troubles come with it because I already moved out. I am now 18 so basically, I suck at taking care of administrative matters. When I am done, a new opportunity knocks on my door and leads me to a choice : I can work, or I can start college.
Well, money problems usually help to take care of this decision for you, and it led me to one of the best decisions of my life. I was a receptionist, working with a boss that asked too much of me but kept me focused and gave me plenty of responsibilities which help me to reinforce myself. Exactly what I needed. It is a job that gives me the chance to speak to a lot of different people, from all around the world, communicate with them, help them to have a great time, in short : just give something special. After a few months I feel great, I love what that job does to me : I can live peacefully around bills, enjoy my life in a general kind of way, train, some nights out with friends, cinema, shopping obviously and holidays. For a 22 y.o. girl it is kind of heaven.
But a small amount of my lobotomy was still hanging in there. I have a speech (in repeat mode) that says “I want to be somebody, I don’t wanna be a receptionist for the rest of my life, I want a better life for my children, I want a big salary, I am better than that” … Yep, pretty high horses there. Today I can’t begin to imagine talking like that and how far it is from who I am.
Well, with this goal in mind, I started to lack efficiency at my workplace until I decided to go to college. I went to law school and everyone was proud of me, myself included. My family expected that I would succeed. Today I wonder if it wasn’t just me who thought that.
You probably already figured out the final line of that story : I failed. I was pretty motivated at first but then I just went with the flow of being a college student and left my responsibilities out of the way. So I went to the faculty of Arts, in English, French and Information Technology, to try again and again and convince myself that I was made for it, because it defined me. This is who I am, right? I want to be part of that golden society of people who got Bachelor and Master’s degrees. I felt bad that I did not succeed the first time because I know I’m smart. The second time, I was just fighting in vain. I had forgotten the most important things, and it lasted 3 years.
End of the story
What makes me happy ? Do I love what I do? Do I really want to do this? I realize now that everything leads to those questions. Everyday we must be sure that we answer them. So I decided to quit everything, get out of that vicious circle and understand who I became. One step at a time, one day after another. I want to build a new professional goal : be motivated by what I do and just for myself. I am looking for a job (money money money…) and will probably sign in a communication class. Or maybe not!
How do I know that it is the right choice? There is no way of knowing for sure. But for me, I was relieved the second I took the decision. Of course, you need to think a little further : do you quit because you’re afraid or is it because your wandering in circles for a long period of time? However, fear is always there. We abandon a state of mind and a lifestyle, to grow up in an unknown field. If you feel motivated by a project (Stuck In My 20s is one of mine) just do it! Without thinking about the consequences, or the what ifs. Just do it. You will be surprised about what you can build when a light of motivation is the source of your goal.
I am 25 soon and I want to enjoy every second of my life. Every day is supposed to be an opportunity to make something that I love and that makes me feel good. I have red that a thousand times without understanding what it really ment. You need to feel in it yourself. If you feel trapped, sad or even empty, just think about it. Do you like what you are doing with your life? Are you happy?
When we feel like we are walking on empty ground, that days pass without noticing where went the last 2-3 years, it might be a sign that we must focus on ourselves. We must focus on what we feel, who we are. Would I like to meet the person that I am today?
What I learned ?
- Fear actually helps : It indicates that something in yourself is vibrating.
- Courage : is born from similar experiences. Decisions are important but don’t forget that you can always change your mind. Once you think about it, you already started.
- Love is everything : love for yourself, for life, for the present, the future, the past and for those who are in our lives right now.
- Time : it helps to adjust directions, to build them depending on our wishes and to accept that Rome wasn’t build in a day. The power of a smile : the one you get and the one you give can change the entire energy of your day.
- Communication : it will always be one of your secret weapons. Talk about it, to you friends, your boss, your family, a stranger on the bus, the lady at the supermarket. When your ideas stay within yourself, sometimes they don’t germ. One word can bring the necessary light to motivate someone.
- To Relativize : Take a step back. Your choice will still be in front of you tomorrow. Your actions can always move into a different direction. So take the time to focus on what makes you smile, for days, weeks, months even, whatever the time is.
If you are heading somewhere that doesn’t fit you, don’t worry. Time will draw the picture, it will appear in front of you as if it has always been there. You just need to open your eyes and believe in what you feel.
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