How To Start Changing Your Life
How To Start Changing Your Life
Before it even started
Dear readers, hello to you today!
I obviously wanted to write more often. But I thought I needed to gather my ideas first. Thing is, that’s exactly what I should be writing about, so here it is.
A few weeks ago, I met up with a special friend. Well, actually she became special and you will probably understand why at the end of this episode of, well… me. Let’s keep in mind the butterfly effect should we ? My special friend and I were talking about some issues that I had with the whole “Process-my-feelings-kinda-stuff”.
About that, I’m an over-thinker. I think waaaay to much and God, sometimes it is just hard to make it stop. So usually when I feel something negative, I just ramble it again and again in my head. Like “Why does [a person] need to react this way, I don’t get it, why can’t s/he see that I am mad or that it would hurt me ?” And it goes on and on. For hours. So, you know, my friends know me, they accept me and thank God again, they get along with the whole package, but sometimes it is probably hard for them to get this deep every single time i feel bad, nervous, anxious, weird, sad, mad ecaetera.
So my feelings are sometimes a bit too much too handle. I really want to improve and just let go ! So we were discussing that point together and she talked to me about energies, vibrations, mindfulness as well as spirituality. For the first time, I felt I was onto something. It hit me. I have to focus on myself.
You know how sometimes you don’t realize it, but you’re judging EVERYTHING? I guess I thought I was trying hard not to, but I couldn’t see that I was judging myself as well. That was the main issue. So she did kind of an inception there. When I got back home, I let the idea just stay there in my head. Thinking about how I need the keys to stop be possessed by my own thoughts and actually control them. On top of that, I want to be a happy, positive and a good human being.
C’mon, you can do this
It is very much important to start with that exact conviction. Before that point, I felt like I couldn’t really get how the world was revolving around me. I thought I was a spectator, just standing there while every one was living. But It felt empty, I mean, I really felt empty. Sometimes also, I was criticizing others in my head, because I dislike their behavior. As a result, I was confused because I loved them anyway. Like I could do better but as I was stuck in my head looking deeper for an answer to “why can’t I do better?” I forgot to actually think positive and ask myself “How can I do better?” Because, if you want it, you’re already there.
Therefore, the next day, I went to the library and bought 7 books about personal growth. As a former student, I know that knowledge is kinda power. So of course, I had to ask myself : what is spirituality? what is this unknown field? And I just chose the books that made sense to me. As the term implies, it is indeed personal. There is no better writer for you than the one you feel is actually getting you. I opened a hundred books and some of them just made sense to me : “oh yeah, I understand” or “Totally me”.
On my way back home, I was feeling like a little kid that just discovered a new amazing game that would last forever, my imagination was full of positivity. I am doing this, I want to be happy, I want to be good for me and for the people around me! This is it! The books gave me so much inspiration ! Like the world I was living in was colorless until that moment.
So I just got that silver lining. Once Dylan arrived (who’s that?), I told him about my finds and I asked him not to judge me. Because there is unfortunately something shameful about buying books around the theme “how to be your true self” of “how to know myself better”. For him, it is simple, because he is very deeply authentic. It is one of the main reasons I love him so much. Back to the point : Courage. You have it in you, but you do need to believe it is enough for you to take the first step, and truly learn.
Step by step
I had to start and read. Which one ? It didn’t matter actually, because I wanted to taste them all at the same time ! The beauty of it ? I could ! So I did. I started with “être en pleine conscience” – Osho.
Wow. Just, wow. I wish it was simple to explain. But to be a writer is a job, so when you have to use words to talk about something so deeply personal, it is hard guys. But it did the job with me. It enlightened me about how it should always be about the feelings. We have to let them be, human being are water barbapapas with feelings. Fight them will never be the solution !
Fighting doesn’t sound familiar ? Whatever your beliefs are, that is where you put you energy. Which means that when you parents tell you to be polite because this or that, when you’re convinced that there is a way to be good or bad, that there’s a “how to be human” manual that can teach you the right way to feel good, that’s a rule you grow into believing. And it is so wrong.
The reading is consistent, I had to read a sentence then stop, think about it and go back, read it again, before I got to the next one. I wanted to fully understand the message. But god it is so simple! I couldn’t believe that was inside me the whole time ! To give you a better example : what if, when you’re telling yourself “this is wrong, I should do this instead of that. Why am I so bad at this, I’m such a bad example” you try and look at yourself through a parent’s eyes. What if you had a child, and this child is you? Would you think and judge your actions the same way? My answer was definitely no. Because love is the key. When you look at someone through the eyes of love, you can now understand compassion, empathy and gentleness. You stop being so hard on yourself because life takes time.
You have the right to feel bad. Now you can accept it, and this feeling will not last. If you start thinking about your breathing and calm yourself down, something happens. You are at peace, even if there is a bad feeling there. And you smile! Because you just did it, for a second there, you just gathered your thoughts, accepted them, and did not defined yourself by it. So you are ready to let them go now. And be positive again, because maybe a special someone is standing next to you and that person has beautiful eyes!
Did you understand my point ? You chose to stay in the negative state of mind. It is hard of course, it takes a lifetime and it is probably very hard to do it constantly. But guys, when I realized how much I could do for myself, happiness began, step by step.
Here is my bibliography :
- Être en pleine conscience – Osho
- Le livre des secrets – Deepak Chopra
- Les 7 lois spirituelles – Deepak Chopra
- J’arrête de… (me) juger ! – Olivier Clerc
- J’écris pour me connaître – Roxane Marie Galliez
- Merci Mon carnet de gratitude – Anne Solange Tardy, Marie Bretin
- À la recherche de son vrai soi – Dr. Yasmine Liénard
The butterfly effet : something so small as a butterfly flutter can create a tsunami on the other side of the planet. That day, when my friend told me how much strength she gained with her beliefs around spirituality, she started something small in me. Today, that something is the filter that I want to use to build my whole life.
Try to remember that everybody can change their life, because you brought some positive thinking into them.
Also available in: Français